ESSAY: On Zeal

written August 31, 2006 in West Los Angeles


I was walking down the street to a favorite retail store, Brat, when I saw a late 1970s model Dodge Van. It was the kind with the kind of bubbled roof on top; white, with black tinted windows and vinyl white lettering. There was script was religious Christian propaganda on the  side of the van saying things like "Thou shalt ...," and "There is only one road to Heaven." So forth and so on. Creedence Clearwater Revival was audible from the sidewalk where I stood. I finally resumed walking after I saw the following quote:

"Many are called, but few are chosen." And doot doo-doo, lookin out mah back door.

I wondered at the competetive version of God this van owner seemed to be calling up in Olde English script. This seems to be the exact same guy that says things like, "My god can beat up your god," after a hard day of "fag" bashing and counseling young football players on how to wriggle out from under date rape allegations from "unchristian" young women. I shuddered at my crazy imaginings and resumed my walk.

Upon arrival at Brat I heard the spinnings of Dj Rev. Dan whos religion, for all I knew, was indie styled music, featured on a local college radio station. I marvelled again on how personal authority can be when it comes to things like identifying God-hood.

Nancy was engaged in yet another discussion about physical fitness when I became informed of a neighborhood Yoga Nazi. This man stood at the door and played the numbers with students until his very selective class filled up. Then he surreptitiously turned away people who wanted yoga. The girl began to ask about calisthetic styled yoga because she didnt really care for the esoterics that accompanied the stretching. Largely ignorant of yoga, I said,"What esoterics?" My question was met with knowing and jaded commentary about how hypocritical, relativistic yet virulently militant yoga class leaders can be. That and how most people who do yoga, "arent living their yoga".

Misplaced zeal. It's everywhere.

Then Nancy informed us that basically anyone can get yoga certification in 3-5 days. She then offered to be our personal yogi, because she had been recently certified to be a yoga class leader. To this day, I still think yoga is just really great stretching exercises. Ignorance is bliss.

Apparently, the Yoga Nazi's students were, equally, wrapped tightly. A neighboring True Tone employee witnessed a woman in full yoga gear dumping a brand new car battery, a fresh new pair of puma sneakers, and other high priced mens apparel in a dumpster behind the store. Similar anecdotes followed involving yogis swearing and harassing neighbors and other distasteful and bizarre behavior. Thus, proving that yoga in LA does not mean the end of a stressful lifestyle.

Nancy's general commentary on the matters at hand was that Americans will do anything to absolve themselves from wrestling with inadequacy and how to fail-safe their lives. This can range from driving massive SUVs they dont need, overcompensating with plastic surgery, to just giving up, or making a religion of being super contrary to the might-is-right militia-mindset. It was then that I concluded that America has a dangerously high number of randomly zealous people. There is literally no way to be completely on top of what everyone believes so as not to offend. This is why innocence is not just billed as white, but bleached with an addictive amount of sucrose and vanillin to make it platable for "everyone".

This is when I woke up to a modern misconception. There is no, "evil they". There is no United States of America. Theres a bunch of random self-proclaimed, self-authorized people groups who started with one guy's different idea. It then attracted people with a tendency to agree with those ideas, begetting followers. The price of being a follower may mean falling out of touch with a personal vision because they are busy obeying someone else's vision.

So you really just have a lot of people willing to fight to-the-teeth to protect "what they believe." Even if it becomes so obviously borrowed by powers-that-be. Followers volunteer to consolidate power to a maneuvering puppeteer so there is approval for what is believed to be "best".

Everyone has a different idea of what is best.

I have concluded  then there is only the evil "us". That is, the person we tend to become after we block someone from living as they necessarily choose to based on our personal code of ethics. A really typical example would be if we start shoving a multi-level marketing scheme down a neighbor's throat because we think that is what will solve every ones' problems. Such that, money, and the making of it, often is the only true American religion observed with any kind of uniformity at the end of the day. This may be why the poor are villified by zealous overcompensating earners.

So what is really at the heart of this? Why can't we be sated with moderation? We seem to be entertained enough, wealthy enough and able to produce enough amenities. So what's missing? It's simple. The only way metamorphosis can resume is with the pains of struggle. Americans were once valiant pioneers. We have now become big pools of fat monied people with Disney at our fingertips. What is left to really conquer?

PLENTY! Environmental crisis, world hunger, women and children's human rights, animal rights, international corruption in modern government, nuclear war, eradication of native cultures-- that should be enough to keep us busy for awhile before we go back to being self-centered. Buuut we can become overzealous about these things as well....

When do we get to a place where we can find strength in holding back ? Where are the examples of reluctance for action which are REALLY overboard? We need to start looking.

I'm looking for it. My personal devastation in life comes from investments of lifetime and energy on organizations supporting my ideals, only to get burned by interactions with others who are too zealous. I tread so carefully, seeking, testing others' responses with a mental type of geiger counter for that zealous radiation that clearly erases any personal good I can contribute to a worthy ideal. I am so paranoid and fearful of committing to any group who could easily step over the line and misrepresent the intention I so carefully sowed into an ideal-based effort that I will simply stop being involved. I realized at one point, I was doing nothing, saying nothing and going nowhere with no one because I had to seek cover from the zealous flare of other's religious, political and sociological ideals. I had then fallen out of touch with my own motives for bringing good about into the world.

I guess moderation, like charity, starts at home, right where we live. We get to pace ourselves vs. slamming ourselves into an extreme overdrive Mountain Dew guzzling contest to get to the next red light. It's just wasted energy which produces nothing but destroyed selves, this overzealousness. Its a shortsighted way of life where no one looks past the frenzy of the adrenalized moment of instant RIGHTNESS BY FORCE. I don't want to be the person in that frame of mind. I've had my moments and I just don't want it to be me.

I dont want less. I dont want more. I want just enough, in a reasonable amount of time where everyone has a chance to get what they need too without anything going to hell in a blaze of nuclear fueled GLORAYY.